Am I lazy for checking Fedex tracking to see if my package from Duluth Trading is here instead of just getting up from my desk and walking around to the front of the house?!

You know, I get these dark moods occasionally… I don’t really know why. Could be biochemical, or related to the phase of the moon or maybe light deprivation living in Seattle as I do. When it happens, it’s like the weight of the world is pressing down on me. I get anxious and obsessive about all kinds of little things, but at the same time I lack the energy or drive to do anything about it.

The truth is that nothing is really wrong, the only thing that has changed is the filter I use to view the world around me. I find that if I just make progress at little things, soon enough it passes and things are back to “normal”… whatever that is around here. I think the thing that helps the most is just feeling like I can influence the things that are bothering me, no matter how tiny that change might be.

It also helps that the sun is out in Seattle today… a little warmth and light in your life never hurts.

Long day today, up early and on the go all day. Out with friends first thing this morning and for lunch, then a different group of friends this evening to hang out with a friend from out of town, among other things.

Drove home around 10:30pm, radio cranked up while I groped my way through a foggy trip home in the car. Fog at night is mystical, random lights glowing here and there, half seen cars streaming past. Barely time to catch a glimpse of the scenery passing before it’s swallowed up in the misty darkness.

Insulated from the world like that it’s easy to let your mind drift a bit while you drive. The world seemed like a cold, dark place on the way home. Is that what’s real? Most of the time I think I’m happy and fulfilled. But am I? Are the motorcycle trips, hobbies and time spent with kids just things I do to distract myself from the ugly truth that my life is hollow and empty?

Do I force myself to spend time with others because I need to bask, however briefly, in the warmth of companionship to sustain myself through the dark times of solitude? I don’t think of myself as depressed, but how would I really know?

I’ll probably read this in the morning and wonder what the heck I was thinking. You could chalk it up to semi-drunken rambling, except I haven’t been drinking. Maybe I just need sleep…

This afternoon was my semi-regular trip to the rifle range. Today was special because I broke in my new Savage Model 93FVSS in caliber 17 HMR. A lovely new rifle!

A new rifle normally means at least three things: a) you’ve got a freshly mounted scope on the rifle so you’re going through the process of “sighting in” to align the scope with where the rifle is actually pointing, b) you’ve got “break-in” to deal with as like a new pair of boots, a rifle has to be worn in a bit before it starts working smoothly, and c) you’re going through the process of determining what kind of ammunition a particular firearm likes. The same rifle will shoot dramatically differently depending on variables like who manufactured the ammo, how heavy the bullet is, what kind of gunpowder was used, etc. It takes some trial and error.

That part all went well today.  What was dramatic and unexpected was the major storm that hit while we were at the range.  About halfway through our shooting session the skies opened up and sleet started raining down.  Fortunately we shoot from covered positions so it didn’t really affect anything. It was so wild I had to snap a photo with the camera on my cell phone though! Just another day of dramatic weather in Seattle!