January 8 @ 3:52 pmMore and more lately, I’m feeling like portions of my life are at a stand still. Oh, I have a great life overall, but it’s far from completely fulfilling.
I’ve been separated, but not divorced, for going on four years now. The terms are mostly worked out, finances have been divvied up, agreements about the kids sorted. The act of making it a legal reality is just on hold until my ex finishes with school. She wanted to go back to school and get a degree, we agreed to hold off on the divorce until she was finished so she’d have full medical coverage and other benefits until then. It seemed like the right thing to do, after all she has the right to be successful in life and getting her degree is a big step in the right direction. She’s still got about a year to finish up her Masters.
The irony is we get along a lot better now than we did the last few years of our marriage. Mind you that doesn’t mean I’m rethinking things, and I doubt she is either. I’m actually feeling more and more like I’m ready to move on. I’ve dated friends a few times in the last couple of years, but it was a casual thing. It doesn’t feel right to consider seriously dating when I’m not really “free” in a sense.
I have enough other baggage that will make dating difficult, I don’t need to drag this into the fray I guess… sadly, patience is not my strongest attribute… *sigh*
January 8 @ 4:25 pm
I understand that feeling of Limbo so very much… I hope you find your peace. I’m looking for mine, too.
M~
January 10 @ 12:34 am
Limbo is a hard place to be. I am in the midst of a limbo, self-created. I have built a little world, all my own, that does not include dating. I know, I know….those perilous built-up walls, but sometimes it just takes time before you want to share a part of yourself with another person.
Sometimes you have to go the journey alone, just to find yourself. But I truly believe that in gaining clarity on myself, I am working on the person I strive to be. And in striving to be that person envisioned, it is THEN…I am told, that my path will cross with my soulmate, for they will see me for who I am.
January 10 @ 6:57 am
“patience is not my strongest attribute”
Patience isn’t a strong attribute for any of us, I fear. Sometimes I really wish it were mine but they say to never pray for patience because you’ll be sorely tested on it.
January 10 @ 10:01 am
4 years of limbo is wayyyy too long. Just my two cents, but I would suggest you not date until you’re completely out - I’ve dated men who weren’t quite out yet and well-meaning or not, they were the most hurtful men I’ve known. It’s not fair on a new innocent person coming in to all that - it’s asking them to take on just too, too much.
January 10 @ 10:48 am
Thanks for the feedback all, it just confirms what I was already feeling myself. I should have used this time to gain brownie points by joining a monastic order!
On the bright side, it does leave plenty of free time in the summer months for road trips… always a good thing!
January 13 @ 1:41 pm
Ya know, this time of year compounds things… winter makes the whole world feel like it’s at a standstill. I bet come spring, you’ll feel less stagnant. Use the winter to make plans. Get a big ole corkboard, put it on the wall, and start clipping magazine pix… make it your dream board. I bet it would cheer you.
But I certainly think you’re not alone in feeling any of that.
~S