This weekend was nice. Nothing major to do, hang out with the kids, fire up the barbie. Matt managed to cut my grass in between rain showers. I accomplished nothing significant at all, just the way I planned it.

This week is catch up week, I’ve got a ton of projects I need to finish. Some personal, some professional. Of course I’m starting with the personal stuff!

I played in two memes on other blogs recently. Both were the one where the blogger says something they like about you, shares a song that you remind them of, etc. Then they finish with a question for you to answer. I owe both Marianna and Pam answers. I haven’t decided if I’ll play the meme myself, but I am in the mood to answer a few questions so I’ll do that at least!

Answers after the jump!

Marianna asked me why I left the Air Force. There were a variety of reasons, but it mostly boils down to square peg in a round hole. I went into the Air Force because my family has a tradition of military service. All adult males going back as far as I know have served in one branch of the service or another. I think it was always assumed that I would too. And I was happy to do so. I did enjoy my time in the military but I couldn’t see making it a career. I was already interested in computers and that career field was really starting to take off in the mid-80’s. I elected to get out of the service and pursue that line of work.

Pam asked a tougher question. She wants to know what really scares me, deep down in the core of my being. Fear is an interesting subject for me. I think it’s something of an epidemic in our modern society. In my opinion, far too many people let fear control their lives. I think our government uses fear to distract us. When I think of fear, I think of a person being frozen, immobile, unable to think or react. That’s not how I choose to live.

Don’t get me wrong. I still occasionally worry, fret, experience trepidation, become nervous… all the varieties of fear you can think of. I try not to let that be the focus of my life, however. Often it seems the things that generate the most fear are the things we have the least control over. I try hard to recognize those fears for what they are, bring them into the light so I can see them clearly and then let them go.

So, with that background… what really scares me? The thought that I might become so obsessed with my fears that I fail to live life fully. But that one, I do have control over.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear… And when it is gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” - Frank Herbert, Dune

I think Frank had it mostly right. Where I would differ with him is in the result of having cleansed yourself of fear. What is left after you have faced your fear, is love. The ability to love yourself for who you are, the ability to love life and it’s many experiences, the ability to love the people you meet on your journey. As I have written before, I believe the two are opposite sides of the same coin. As for myself, I prefer to be motivated by love.

After that long response, I’m sure you, my dear readers, now fear anyone asking more questions of me… but if you have one that you really want answered, feel free to ask it.